Nightmare Theatre is made possible in part by The Fish House, A Great Southern Restaurant.

Supporting arts, entertainment and local culture since 1998.

- [Presenter] Pensacon, the Gulf Coast's premier pop culture event is proud to sponsor Nightmare Theatre.

Pensacon brings celebrities, artists, authors and more together each February in Pensacola, Florida.

For more information, visit pensacon.com.

(lighthearted music) (thunder rumbles) ♪ One day the devil came to him ♪ ♪ For he was a minor demon ♪ ♪ Asked him to torture some humans ♪ ♪ With his two friends in tow ♪ Mittens and El Sapo ♪ The Baron Mondo Von Doren ♪ On Nightmare Theatre - It was truly a horrifically dystopian scene.

Something truly out of the mind of a madman having a fever dream.

It sounded so simple, so pure and innocent at first.

Viewers would gather in their homes or in some other communal space, and they would watch a woman on a screen.

She would lead them to an instruction, and sometimes exercise, but here's the terrifying thing, and I promise this will shake you to your furry core.

At the end of the session, the lady would look into a device, and she would name some of the people watching!

She was watching them as they were watching her!

What?

No, I'm not talking about George Orwell and the telescreens in "1984".

I'm talking about the magic mirror in "Romper Room".

She would look in the mirror, and she would see the people watching her, and she would single them out.

She would actually say things like... "I see Jimmy is with us today."

Or "Wow would you look at that?

Susie is doing a good job."

It was truly frightening.

The idea that someone is always watching you is, at the core, one of the most ghastly things I can imagine.

Oh wait, wait, we're on.

I'll tell you about the Winky Dink magic screen later.

That was truly unsettling.

Hello, and welcome to Nightmare Theatre.

I am your host, the Baron Mondo Von Doren, and here with me as always is Mittens the Werewolf.

We were discussing unsettling things as we wait for the most unsettling man of all, the man Sidekick Magazine described as, and I quote, "As appetizing and as appealing as a melting durian popsicle on a hot day."

El Sapo de Tempesto to show up with tonight's movie.

He really ought to be here any minute now.

The gin joints and knitting supply stores closed hours ago.

- Here I am, fellas.

- I mean, would it kill you just once to show up on time?

- It might.

I don't take chances.

I am a careful and cautious fella.

Why tempt fate or poke the bear?

Why risk it, boss?

- You are already one step away from the coffin.

Scratch that, I wouldn't pay for a coffin for you.

You're already one step away from an unmarked grave in a swamp.

I have to say, your work attitude is lacking.

- Oh, come on boss.

I can do a good job.

I can turn things around.

- [Baron] Oh, can you?

- Sure, I'm very good at my jobs.

- You know what then?

I'm gonna go off on a fool's errand and ask you a simple question.

Now I know the answer to this question, but I'm gonna ask it anyway.

And when you answer, I'm gonna do my best to remain calm and relaxed.

Now, Sapo, are you ready for my question?

And be honest with me for once.

- You don't have to ask, boss.

I'll fess up.

- Oh, you will, huh?

- Yes, boss.

I broke your Gary Gnu cereal bowl, and I am truly sorry.

- What?

You broke my bowl?

My limited edition Gary Gnu bowl?

When did that happen?

- It was an accident!

Wait, wasn't that what you were gonna ask me?

- No, but we're gonna address that later.

I was gonna ask you if you have a movie for tonight.

- Well, on that score, I'm gonna have to disappoint you for once.

I don't have a movie.

- Well, why not?

Where were you?

Explain yourself!

- I was down at the arcade playing the video games, and by the way, I bought you and Mittens a Def Leppard t-shirt from a guy in a Camaro, and I just lost track of time.

- So you have nothing.

- Ho, ho, ho.

I have never come in here empty handed.

- Just empty headed.

- You got me there, that was a good one, that was a good one.

But I do have something I lifted off the guy in the Camaro.

He was using it as a steering wheel.

Can you show that while I sally forth and heroically find a movie?

- I really don't have a choice.

- I'll go look for something.

Something good, something swell.

No, something you're gonna love!

- Just go get a movie!

Let's see what he gave us as if I didn't know.

Flash Gordon, Chapter 11.

Stark Treachery.

I suppose we should get this spooled up and ready to go.

Folks, why don't you watch this while El Sapo finds a movie.

Mittens, can you see if we have any glue?

I can't fix my bowl if I... And if I can't, I'm gonna glue El Sapo's mouth shut.

(triumphant music) (lightning cracks) - [Narrator] Chapter 11.

Torch and Sonja, Ming's agents, confined in prison cells in Barin's palace, escape to the radio room, overpower the operator, and communicate with Ming.

Ming instructs Torch to send out a false order grounding Barin's space ships, in order to clear the way for the Ming bombers, and to then destroy the radio to prevent Barin countermanding the order.

Dale overhears the order and is captured by Torch and Sonja, who flea with her to the roof of the palace.

Flash pursues and corners them, and is battling with Torch when Ming's bombers... (dramatic music) (men yelling) (ship sputters) - They said this would revive them.

They look dead to me.

(dramatic music) - The enemy is beaten, Your Highness.

Two of the ships shot down and the others driven off.

- Nevermind that.

Are there no reports of Flash and Dale?

- The search of the castle and grounds is continuing.

- Flash!

- Thank heavens you're safe!

- Dale and Ronald are gone.

Have you seen them?

- Torch here had Dale prisoner when I grabbed him.

If anything has happened to her- - You better not, Gordon.

One of Ming's ships landed while we were in the moat.

If Ming has her, you might need me as hostage.

- Roka, lock him up.

Operator.

See if you can contact the palace.

- Wait a moment.

If he has Dale and Ronald prisoner, perhaps he'll make the first move.

(dramatic music) - Welcome Thong and Lady Sonja.

I understand you bring us prisoners of importance.

- Thank you, Your Majesty.

Dale Arden and Captain Ronald have been confined in separate apartments, and await Your Majesty's pleasure.

- I am ill served, it seems.

- Retire.

- Two of my best ships and crews destroyed.

Captain Torch, my ableist soldier and counselor, you have left in the hands of my enemies.

- Your Majesty has many ships and soldiers, but there's only one Dale Arden.

No doubt Prince Barin would be glad to exchange Captain Torch for her.

- What do you mean?

- Your captain or your bride, sire.

- Bring Dale Arden to me at once.

- The Emperor's palace calling.

- [Ming] It's Ming, speaking to his servant, Prince Barin, over the televisor.

(instrumental wails) Prince Barin will speak to Ming the tyrant.

- Ah, Barin.

I see you have your allies with you.

That makes it simpler.

One of my ships just brought in a couple of prisoners.

Dale Arden and a Captain Ronald.

- Let me talk to him.

Listen, Ming.

If you harm Dale Arden, I'll come there and kill you with my bare hands.

- I am not interested or disturbed by the ravings of a mad man.

Dale has not been harmed, she will tell you so herself.

Step here, my child.

- Flash.

Get me out of here.

Get me out.

- Dale.

Dale, listen to me.

Don't be afraid.

We'll get you out somehow.

- Now if I may speak to Dr. Zarkov, I may exchange this young lady for my Captain Torch.

(dramatic music) - And what terms do you propose to make, Ming?

- An even exchange.

What better than that?

I'll toss in Captain Ronald, who is of no importance to me.

- It's a trick.

He'll lay a trap for us.

- And how do you propose to make the exchange?

- As your friend Flash is suspicious, I will agree to any arrangements you make.

But you must decide now.

I'll not renew the offer.

- Oh, agree, Doctor!

Flash, get me out of here!

Get me out.

- All right, all right.

Make a deal!

Make a deal!

- We will make the exchange on the following terms.

Flash Gordon and I will bring Captain Torch.

- Prepare a ship at once.

- It shall be done, sire.

- Sonja.

Be sure Dale has refreshments prepared for her before she leaves.

Goodbye, my dear.

I am sure we will meet again.

(ship buzzes) - They're coming.

(ship buzzes) - Well, cut me loose.

- We'll let you go when we're sure Dale and Ronald are safe.

(lighthearted music) - Are you satisfied?

- Yes.

Your friend Thong will untie you.

- Message from the Emperor, to Dr. Zarkov.

Start walking.

(dramatic music) - Oh, Flash!

Flash!

- Quick, inside!

(ship boosters booming) - Oh... - Dale, what is it?

Zarkov, quickly!

(ship buzzes) - She's been drugged.

- Ming, that devil.

- Wait.

I was given this for you, Doctor, as I left the ship.

"Zarkov, you have no antidote that will revive Dale.

Her only chance to live is that you alone bring her to me at once.

Delay will be fatal."

- Think he's telling the truth?

- Yes, Flash.

She's dying.

I must take her back to Ming's.

I'll drop you and Ronald at Barin's before I go.

(dramatic music) Whatever you do, you can't get ill to Ming.

After she's revived, I'll see what can be done about contriving an escape.

- All right, Doc.

- Goodbye, Doc.

(dramatic music) (ship buzzes) - No, no!

We must find a way of getting into Ming's palace without endangering the lives of the princess, or of the prisoners.

Then once inside with the help of Zarkov and Captain- - There's an abandoned tunnel.

- Not the one we were trapped in before?

- No, this is on the other side of the palace.

It leads into the tombs directly beneath the cabins.

That is, if the way is clear.

- If it isn't, we'll clear it.

Zarkov's rocket ship is serviced and ready.

- We are ready, Your Highness.

- Oh, no, Ronald.

Numbers won't help us on this trip.

Three might succeed where more would fail.

You wait for word from us.

- You did well to obey me and bring Dale here, Zarkov.

Only I could have awakened her from the death sleep under which I had cast her.

I am taking you to my daughter, Princess Aura.

And as for you, Zarkov, any attempt to escape will result disastrously both for you and Dale.

- It's all right, Dale.

We're to be the guests of the Emperor for a short time.

- Come, my dear.

(dramatic music) - Karm is dead.

Ming discovered that he was conspiring with Prince Barin.

- And you?

Are you suspected?

- The lives of all of us are in constant danger, but so far, suspicion hasn't rested on me.

- You and I must contrive some means to free the prisoners, and make the revolt against Ming a success.

- Karm learned much of the secret of Ming's power before he died.

That secret is now mine.

Come, I'll show you.

(dramatic music) - Dale!

- Aura.

- I can't say I'm happy to see you.

Are Flash and Barin prisoners too?

- No, just Dr. Zarkov and I.

But Flash will come and save us.

I'm sure.

- Very, very pretty my dear, and very optimistic.

No one is going to save you.

Even if rescuers could get into the palace, they could not enter this room and live.

- You had failed to stop Flash Gordon before, Father.

- Yes, but I'll not fail this time, my dear.

You will have corrupted my guards, so I placed you in this room with an incorruptible guard.

That rug will be charged with 4,000 volt of electricity the moment that I go through that door.

I had it placed there to guard my own life against treachery while I slept.

And now it is to be used to prevent the escape of my perspective bride.

Oh, if you touch that rug after I leave this room, you will be instantly killed.

Remember, I have warned you.

(melancholic music) (ship buzzes) - Do you think the entrance to the deserted tunnel will be guarded?

- No.

Captain assumes a horrible conspiracy to overthrow me.

He'll know we'll attempt to do something.

I'm sure he'll do everything he can to make our entrance possible.

- Is the sentry postmen doubled as I instructed?

- Yes, sire.

- Good.

What about the entrance of the deserted tunnel north of the castle?

- We have always considered an entrance to the old tombs are impossible, sire.

- It is not of any importance what you consider.

We have Flash Gordon to deal with, Have guards to go to that tunnel.

Men that you can depend upon.

(dramatic music) (ship buzzes) - Good landing, Flash.

We're right near the tunnel entrance.

- I hope Captain Sudan has been able to leave it unguarded.

(tense music) (dramatic music) - Barin!

- Crow!

- Your Highness.

- Flash!

This is one of Captain Sudan's men.

- Your Highness nearly finished me.

- Sorry, Crow, but our mission's a desperate one.

What about your companion here?

- He's one of us.

Sudan placed us here to help you if you came.

- If you can, get us into the tunnel.

Tell us where the princess and Dale Arden are locked up.

- They're in Ming's private sanctum in the north room, I can guide you there.

- No, you've taken risk enough, I know the way.

Let's have a uniform so we'll look as though we've had an official escort if we meet anyone.

- All right, Your Highness.

Inside, quickly!

- This leads to the north wing, Crow had no key for it.

(small explosion pops) (dramatic music) - Flash, stop where you are!

(explosion booms) (dramatic music) - And we're back.

So folks, Flash takes out a sword and walks towards the bed and boom!

There's a puff of smoke.

I guess that's the treachery.

I don't know, I don't care.

Today has been horrible.

Nothing has gone right.

My bowl is beyond repair.

Sapo deliberately used up all the glue.

Man, sometimes I wish I had a sword like Flash has.

If I had a sword, I'd show Sapo the error of his ways for sure.

I wonder where he is.

- Here I am, boss.

Well, I don't see a big film can in your grubby little hands.

- I couldn't find one.

There are none left.

There is a global shortage of movies, I guess.

- So what are you suggesting we do?

- Well, I have been learning the guitar, boss.

I could play it and you could sing.

Do you know the words to... ♪ Go tell Aunt Rody ♪ The old gray goose is dead - Sapo, there's no force on earth that can make me sing while you beat a guitar senseless.

Is there really nothing else?

- Well...

I was saving something for an emergency.

- We passed emergency decades ago.

We're at calamity level now.

- I have one thing I stole...

I mean I found, I found it at a yard sale?

It's about a gymnast.

- What?

Give it to me.

If it's Gymkata, you're gonna have a sore hide this time tomorrow.

Wait.

Wait a minute.

This is... Yeah, this is Flip.

- Yeah, I know.

Isn't it?

It's the inspiring and true story of a kid trying to land the Triple Lindy.

- No, it is not.

This is actually well... Good, almost great.

It was directed by Kirk Demarais in 2004, and it's chock full of things I love.

It's got the shock monster, the moon loon, the ape.

My gosh, it's amazingly good.

- Can you show it while I take a last ditch effort to find a movie?

- Sure, and you don't have to come back at all.

Take the night off, no, take the month off.

Mittens, let's get this queued up.

Folks, sit back and enjoy Flip, here on Nightmare Theatre.

(mysterious whimsical music) (upbeat music) - [Grandma] Spend it wisely!

(upbeat music) - [Dad] Would you look at the time?

I'm coming to bed, honey.

(upbeat groovy music) (man on TV speaks) - [Narrator] The difference between dreams and reality is very slight.

- I found it!

(man speaks unintelligibly) (man cackles) - Help me!

This is horrible!

- Little man, little man.

You are going to enjoy your world.

There you are, you fool, you idiot!

Where have you been?

Where have you been?

Where is the general?

What is this?

You've killed the general!

You've killed another general, you've ruined my plans!

(both hollering) - Anyone there?

My car's broken down.

(woman screams) (creature yells) No, no, no!

- [Grandma] Spend it wisely!

(dreamlike harp music) (girl screams) (kid growls) (whimsical music) (camera shutters snapping) - [Director] And action!

Great job!

(whimsical music) (frogs croaking) - [Dad] Flip!

Back to bed, young man.

(lighthearted jazzy music) - [Grandma] Spend it wisely!

(dreamlike harp music) (melancholic music) (lighthearted music) (tense music) (dramatic music) - [Presenter] You control a monster..

It ducks and dances.

Secretly control from up to 50 feet away!

Spooky effects!

Only 99 cents!

- [Grandma] Spend it wisely!

(dreamlike harp music) (upbeat music) (crate slams) (booster thrusts) (kid grunts) (dramatic music) - [Astronaut] Five, four, three, two, one... (monster hoots) (upbeat music) (mysterious music) (garbage lid clangs) (upbeat music) (monster hoots) - Well, I was right as usual, wasn't I?

Folks, I have to say.

Now, I shouldn't say it, I better not say it...

Okay, why not, I'll say it.

I'm actually feeling better after seeing Flip.

Kirk Demarais tapped into something special, something pure.

In fact, you should all check out his book, Mail-Order Mysteries: Real Stuff from Old Comic Book Ads.

It's a great trip down memory lane.

Man, I feel great!

No one's gonna slow my gentle groove tonight.

- I found one!

I found one!

I found one!

- And there it goes.

All of the joy sucked right out of the room.

- Hey boss, hey Mittens, good news.

- I thought I told you not to come back.

- But I found a movie, a good movie.

- Sapo.

I thank you for finding Flip.

It made me feel good, like I used to feel before I met you.

I was on an all time high, ready to grab the world by the tail, and I really thought you weren't coming back, and yet here you are.

- We man-servants live by a code, boss.

I can't leave my master up a creek or down a creek, or up a tree or whatever the word is.

- I get the picture.

- I've got to be ready 26 and a half hours a day, standby in the ready room, eager to fill my duties.

Never let it be said that El Sapo had failed in his duties.

- You know, you gotta be kidding me.

You are the most inept, laziest man I've ever met.

You make Droppo look like a tweaker jacked up on meth and Red Bull.

- Maybe so, but you're gonna wanna apologize when you see what I brung you.

I found a great movie.

- Let me see that can.

Oh my.

- Is that a good "Oh my"?

- It is not.

This is The Brain Machine.

I don't know what to say here.

This movie is like something you've never seen before.

And I know, I know, I've said that before, but this time you're in for something truly awful.

- It can't be that bad, boss.

- Oh, it is.

Here's a free tip I want to give you folks at home.

The opening credits feature music that sounds like a cat got its tail caught in the squeaking wheel of a freight train.

I would suggest you turn down the volume during the opening credits.

In fact, it's probably gonna be best if you turn down the volume during the entire movie.

Trust me.

You'll enjoy it more without sound.

So sit back, relax, and do your best to enjoy The Brain Machine here on Nightmare Theatre.

(static buzzes) (unnerving music) - I don't know why you ever have to go to a gym.

- I don't have to go.

You see, there are exactly 128 steps to the underground lab.

And up and down twice a day would equal jogging about two miles, I guess.

Excluding Sundays and holidays, that would be exactly- - Don't tell me.

I've had more truth than I can manage lately.

- [Man] What do you mean?

The addition to the program?

- [Woman] Yes.

- [Man] I didn't ask for those additions.

- [Woman] Who did?

- [Man] Roth, I suppose.

- [Woman] Well, what's on the menu for today.

- [Man] The four subjects.

Roth's finally made a decision.

(tense eerie music) (phone rings) - General's office.

- Internal Security here.

Put me through to the General immediately.

(airplane whirs) - Yes?

- Let's go to scramble, sir.

(machine beeps) - Go ahead, what's the trouble?

- Someone has broken into the top secret files.

- Do you know what's missing?

- Two things, sir.

The brain machine file, and Dr. Krisner project file.

- Then it's probably Krisner.

Nobody else would connect those two files.

- If it is Krisner, he knows that his project is nothing more than a guinea pig to test the brain machine.

How do you want me to handle this?

- Get Krisner.

I'll have Saxon and his men secure the grounds.

And send my car, I'm coming back.

(airplane whirs) - We've got all this truth business programmed and punishment for the subject if they tell a lie, but how are we gonna know if they tell the truth?

- Don't ask me, love.

We get the money to do what we want to do, then we have to do some of the things the higher ups want done.

Why don't you gimme a quick rundown on our four lucky winners?

- Okay.

There's four out of 147 applicants, so they ought be what we need.

Minnie Lee Parks, age 22.

Birthplace, Tennessee, one year of college.

Graded low academically.

Single, no previous marriage, no immediate family.

- Kind of cute, kind of dumb, just my type.

Well, she is.

- Judd Reeves, age 31, born in Pennsylvania.

Truck driver, bartender, carpenter.

Well, he's versatile.

Army service, honorable discharge, no immediate family.

Think he's kind of cute too?

Emory Neill, age 44.

Postgraduate work in seminary.

Contributing editor to various religious publication.

Serious automobile accident two years ago.

No immediate family Willard West, age 26.

Father medical doctor, mother PhD in literature.

IQ above 150.

Star athlete in high school.

Held no permanent position, and traveled since graduation from college five years ago.

Inherited large estate when both parents were killed in a plane crash.

No immediate family.

Okay, you'll get the lights, we'll start programming our subjects.

What's all that about?

- Dr. Krisner.

(mysterious music) - Sam.

I think maybe you better cover the Trace Road.

(tense music) - Have you got enough men out there to stop Krisner?

- I don't see how he can get away now, sir.

- What happened?

- Must have discovered our plans for his project.

That's all I can figure.

- Saxon, get those files.

I don't care what it takes.

- Yes, sir.

Mobile Three, out.

(dramatic music) - Mobile Three, Mobile Three, this is Mobile Four.

I've spotted him.

He's at the end of the Trace Road.

(mysterious music) (intense music) (gun fires) (dramatic music) (dog barks) - Send the Chief to my office and call Washington.

Tell the Senator we've had an emergency, I'll be in touch with you as soon as I can.

- Take the General's briefcase inside.

- [Man] Yes, sir?

- The General wants the Chief.

He wants him on the double, in his office.

- Can we tie in on schedule?

We can, but not without problems.

- What problems?

- Fail safe.

It's a specially designed system.

We can't bypass it.

There's no problem if it's not activated.

But if it is activated, the computers take complete control of both projects.

The EBOX and CIC.

In my opinion, sir, that's a very big risk.

(phone rings) - Come on, Roth.

Come on!

(tense music) - Dr. Roth's office.

- Sorry, wrong number.

(tense music) - Well, hello and welcome back.

And before we say anything else, I have a question for Mr. Man-Servants-Have-A-Code here.

Sapo?

- Yes, boss?

- I want you to look in that camera and tell me what is going on in this movie.

- I'd be glad to, boss.

See there's this machine, right?

And it gets hooked up to this guy's brain, right?

And he has a dream about a guy who kills a guy in a boat with an oar, or maybe it was a paddle, I don't know, but we can see what's going on in the guy's head on account of the machine.

- Sapo, Sapo.

- Yes, boss.

- You've not been watching this film, have you?

- You got me there, boss.

I was reviewing this file here.

- Well, what file?

- This file right here.

This one I'm holding in my hand.

- What is that?

- Well, you see, I was thinking about Flip and this movie, and I was looking in the back of Man Servant Monthly, and I found an ad for a build-it-at-home brain machine.

- Oh, of course you did.

- So I sent in one American dollar.

- Where did you get a dollar?

- Mittens loaned it to me.

- Thank you, Mittens, for encouraging him, I expected more from you.

Well, I can't stay mad at you, Mittens.

Tell me, Sapo, just what does this brain machine do?

- Oh, boss, what doesn't it do?

- I don't know, I'm asking you.

- It does all sorts of things I bet.

It slices, it dices, it relieves lower back pain.

Your hands never have to touch the dirty water.

It's a miracle breakthrough!

- You have no idea, do ya?

- No, but this instruction manual says it lets you... Let me see here.

“Experience the power of your brain safely in your home ”!

- This is not gonna end well at all.

His head is likely to blow up like that guy's head at the end of Scanners, and one of us... One of us is gonna have to clean it up.

What do you mean "not me"?

I can't get brain goo on my suit.

You gave him the dollar, you're the one on brain detail now.

Folks, let's get back to this god awful movie while brain boy here builds that device and...

It's gonna blow his head off.

Here on Nightmare Theatre.

- [Secretary] Mr. Saxon to see you, sir.

- Send him in.

- [Secretary] Yes, sir.

- [General] Were all the documents in Krisner's brief case?

- The documents are all here, sir.

What about Dr. Krisner?

- I've already got the right team on Krisner, they'll take care of him.

(tense music) (phone rings) - Hello?

Yes.

But you don't understand.

I've got to reach the Senator.

Is there any way I... No.

No, I'll call him later.

(tense music) - My secretary received a phone call.

Krisner was trying to reach me.

- Krisner tried to reach you?

When?

- This morning.

He knows my work on the environmental committee, but I hope to God he doesn't tie me in with this.

Frankly, I'm concerned now if whether we should stop the brain machine test.

- No, we shouldn't stop anything, Senator.

We're changing to our standby project, Dr. Roth.

- Well, do you think Roth suspects anything?

- No, he thinks his project was set up by the environmental committee.

- You know, I'm sticking my neck out a long way, General.

Because I believe this country is riddled with enemies, inside and outside.

Your machine may be the only defense.

- I certainly hope so, sir.

- You know, it's not vigilance anymore, General.

It's surveillance.

Eternal surveillance is the price of liberty.

That's why I'm willing to go all the way with you.

- Thank you, Senator.

(mysterious music) - Dear Senator.

What I am... About to write you... Is more horrible... (doorknob clicks) (door clangs) (guns firing) (tense music) - No, no... (gun fires) (phone rings) - General's office.

(buzzer rings) - Yes?

- Krisner's dead, sir.

- [Secretary] Yes, sir?

- Fill out a special administrative transfer for Dr. Krisner.

He's been transferred.

And send a memo of this to all personnel at ECC.

- [Secretary] Mr. Saxon to see you, sir.

- I'll be there shortly.

(mysterious music) (door slams) This matter, closed.

You take care of this.

- We simply can't go with this project, sir.

The subjects are all wrong for us.

They're totally programmed for environmental research.

You said yourself that it was dangerous.

Otherwise we would never have selected Krisner's project.

- We're going with Roth.

- Oh, but that's impossible, sir, it won't work!

- Make it work.

(tense music) - Welcome to the Environmental Control Center.

You have a copy of regulations.

Three things you must memorize.

One, you are a member of a team.

Two, you have access only to the E wing.

You must not enter the area of other projects.

You received a name tag, which you will wear at all times.

You will not wear this in the E box.

Three, truth is the most vital aspect of this program for which you have volunteered.

- You mean the whole truth?

- Yes.

- About everything?

- Yes.

- Golly, this experiment is gonna get an X rating.

(Minnie Lee laughs) (men laughing) - Okay, calm down.

Our study is one of survival.

You have volunteered to be a part of something of vital importance.

A scientific study of man and his environment.

Are there any questions?

- Uh, yeah.

You said volunteered.

I thought we was being paid.

- You're right.

Mr. Reeves.

You are a paid volunteer.

We've accepted only people with no immediate family because there is less chance for embarrassment over confidential matters.

And we must have the truth, all of it, not part of it.

I believe you know my assistant, Dr. Portland.

- Excuse me, Dr. Roth, but there's an urgent call.

Saxon, research control.

- Saxon?

We should call up a meeting for him.

I request...

Excuse me, I'll be just a moment.

Saxon, Roth.

How have you been?

- [Saxon] Fine, Dr. Roth.

And you?

- Waiting for your call.

We're almost ready.

- [Saxon] Yes, that's what I'm calling about.

Your work has interested some very big people.

- Well, I'm glad to hear about that.

- [Saxon] These people would like some cooperation from you.

- Well, I thought it was understood that I was to be left alone until I could report my complete findings.

- Yes, I know I told them that, but they insisted.

- Tell them my answer is no.

- I'd think twice before I'd give that answer, Roth.

You need funds.

I have your requisition right here in front of me now.

Don't tie my hands.

- You know damn well why I'm out of funds.

- These people have power.

They're not afraid to use it.

- The truth is, you know where they've got me.

(Saxon chuckles) - You said it, I didn't.

- Ugly.

Fine.

Music.

Woman.

Why did I say woman?

A cemetery shouldn't make me say that.

- Don't question your responses, just relax and respond freely.

- Well, it doesn't make sense.

- Please, Father Neill.

- Not Father, not Father.

- I'm sorry, Reverend.

Are you alright?

- Yes.

- You were recalling something vividly.

Was it pleasant or painful?

- Both.

- Let's try the screen again.

- Woman.

I...

I thought that I'd try not to say it, I- - I'm gonna let Dr. Roth take over at this point.

I just wanna see what he thinks.

Aren't you considerably more comfortable with Dr. Roth?

Oh, where's Roth?

- He's in accounting.

But I definitely would not disturb him right now.

- New funds?

- I think he's got 'em.

- Would you take over the interview with Reverend Neill?

- Well, what's wrong?

- Well, he's uptight about something.

- We've really selected some strange subjects.

- If I could hear the music I heard when I was young, I wouldn't be outta step.

- Are you quoting someone?

- Yes.

- [Man] Who?

- Myself.

One of my sermons.

- Do you feel you're outta step?

- Yes.

- In here or everywhere?

- If it's myself, then it's everywhere.

- Are you trying to get back?

- I...

I suppose so.

I don't know.

Maybe that's why I applied.

- At times you have a speech impediment.

- Yes.

- This impediment, this hesitation.

Is it from childhood?

- I don't know what it was.

I can't explain it.

I just don't know.

Maybe God knows, I don't.

I...

Doctor, I don't think I better go on with this, I don't think I'm a good subject.

I thought that it was you going to be different.

I'm not a good subject.

- Oh, on the contrary, you're excellent, not perfect.

- Doctor, may I ask you a question?

- Yeah.

It's your time.

- Do you ever pray?

- Often, in my own way.

- Why?

- Well, I guess I don't want to take any unnecessary chances.

Our attitude on that matter is fairly close.

- What is my attitude?

- You know man exists, and you believe God exists, but you're not sure which one created the other.

- Well, hello and welcome back.

My, that was some deep theological moment, wasn't it?

- What was it that guy said again?

- Well, he said- - Wait, before you answer, who was that guy that was dressed up like a preacher man?

- That was James Best.

- Who?

- James Best.

- [Sapo] How did they get a preacher to be in such a bad movie?

- [Baron] He's not a preacher, he's an actor.

- [Sapo] Oh, well, you could have fooled me.

Well, what was that guy in?

- [Baron] He was in a regular Petri dish of bad movies and TV shows.

He was Roscoe P. Coletrain on the Dukes of Hazzard.

- Dukes.

Was that some type of show about maybe British royalty or something like that?

- Yes, it was, yes, it was.

He was also a regular on Gun Smoke, and was frequently featured on such shows as Bonanza and Death Valley Days, as well as thousands of other westerns.

- Those don't sound like very good TV shows to me, boss.

- Well, that's 'cause they weren't.

- Well, was he ever in any good shows?

- Well, surprisingly, yes.

He was on The Twilight Zone three times.

- Oh, whoa, whoa, that show messed with my mind, man!

- I'm sure it did.

Let's get back to the topic.

The guy in the lab coat in there said something like, "You know man exists and you believe God exists, but you're not sure which one created the other."

- That's some Twilighty Zone stuff right there, boss.

That's freaky.

- No, no.

No, it's not.

It's a basic theological question.

Not unlike which came first, the chicken or the egg?

- That's simple, boss.

The egg.

Chickens bust out of eggs, just like cats and possums.

- But Sapo, which chicken laid the first egg and how did the chicken come to be there if there were no other chickens or eggs?

- I don't know.

Maybe the brain machine could help me figure that out.

- Oh, yeah.

I forgot about that stupid thing.

- I'll thank you not to call it a stupid thing.

It is a delicate piece of fine machinery.

- That you got on the back of a magazine.

Sapo, ordering things out of magazines is often a bad idea.

Things like x-ray specs or life sized remote controlled monsters are fun, but they're often scams.

- But I built this one all by myself.

- Okay then, fine.

You want to explain it?

- Yeah, you see this keypad right here?

All I do is I input my height, my weight in inches and my IQ- - That's the same number, 66.

- And then I attach these leads right here, and then I put this on, and the full power of my brain will be greased up and ready to go.

Okay, boss, boss, I am ready.

All I need for you to do is push that button right there.

- I'm not sure about this.

- I'm not sure about this.

- Just push it.

(Sapo yelps) - Well, this is just what I expected.

- Okay, boss, boss, turn it off!

I can see through the end of the time.

Only one outcome, Tony!

Boss, boss, turn it off, turn it off!

The chicken and the egg!

I know the answer now.

Boss, boss, turn it off!

(Sapo yells) - I think I'm gonna let it go for a while.

Folks, let's get back to whatever's happening in The Brain Machine, while Mittens and I here stare at El Sapo?

(mysterious music) (Minnie Lee screams) - What the hell?

- Minnie Lee!

(Minnie Lee screams) (Minnie sobs) - What's wrong, Minnie Lee?

What happened?

- Someone was here, in my room.

(door slams) - What the... What's all the racket?

- I don't know.

- What is it?

(door slams) I thought I heard someone screaming.

- I heard something.

- I want a lock on my door.

I want a lock.

- Okay, dear.

But you go back to sleep now.

(Minnie Lee sobs) Please, please don't go.

Please don't leave me.

- Minnie, you need to go back to sleep.

(Minnie Lee sobs) Don't wake up Dr. Roth.

She said a nightmare, that's all.

- I understand.

- Is everything alright?

Is there anything we can do?

- Did any of you hear anything before she screamed?

- No, I was sleeping.

Is she alright?

Maybe there's something I could do to help.

- Well, Dr. Portland's with her right now.

She just had a nightmare, that's all.

You gentlemen go back to sleep.

It's nothing.

- Yeah.

- Well then, goodnight.

- Goodnight.

- [Roth] Why did you lie, Reeves?

- I didn't lie.

- You lied, Reeves.

What is the one word we tried to impress upon you?

What one word?

- Truth.

- Say it again.

- Truth.

- [Roth] You've never been in jail?

Reeves, you have a police record.

You've also been in reform school.

What about the army?

- The army?

- You were a troublemaker there too.

What do you think we are, incompetent?

You don't think we check things out?

The truth, Reeves.

Absolute accuracy.

One lie can cause us a lot of trouble.

- Look, I didn't lie exactly.

I was put inside a jail.

But when I said I was never in jail, it was because I didn't do nothing.

I was innocent.

- Have you ever been booked for theft?

- I never stole nothing in my life.

But... Food.

- And that's not stealing if you're hungry enough, - You're dismissed from the project.

- You gotta let me do this.

Please.

- What you may have done in your life is of no great matter to us.

The truth is everything.

Everything.

Now, do you completely understand this?

- Yeah.

(mysterious music) - This place gives me the all overs.

I'm just running around like a chicken with its head cut off.

And last night I know I wasn't dreaming.

And these guards, they make me think of tombstones.

Like we're gonna be buried or something.

- Not like we were, as if we were.

And like is never followed by a complete predication.

- You better not let me in your room alone, 'cause I wouldn't just be touching you.

And when I left, you wouldn't be screaming.

You'd just smile.

A big smile.

- You shut your filthy mouth, Judd Reeves.

- I'll second that.

Leave her alone, Reeves.

- And who's gonna make me?

You?

- Violence, sweet violence, huh, Cuban?

- You both stop it!

- The impulse scale.

This is where the real danger lies.

Beating impulses into the upper and lower cortex of the brain can be dangerous.

Carol.

You'd be in there also.

You're vulnerable.

- Biofeedback training will help me.

The others, well, that's why we're experimenting.

- Would you like another redaction of impulse feed on all stages?

- Yes, if you don't mind.

Carol.

Get my phase three impulse breakdowns, on my desk.

- [Man] Yes, sir?

- Are we ready to test the first patch in?

- We need more time, sir.

I'm still worried about the fail safe circuits.

We can try it if you say so.

- Then try it.

(mysterious music) (machine screeches) - What the hell?

- Go to standby.

- Standby.

Not responding.

- Check sections E. - Sections E circuits, not responding, Well, don't just stand there, Dr. Portland, call engineering!

- Hold it.

It's back.

(phone rings) - Dr. Roth's office.

- This is Williams.

Engineering.

- Hold on.

Engineering.

- Yes?

- We've checked out all the circuits in E cell.

Everything seems to be okay.

I'm going over next to...

Hold on just a second.

I think I've run across something.

- He's found something.

(mysterious music) (man groans) (electricity buzzes) (phone rings) - Yeah?

Carol, how'd you know where I was?

- [Carol] The computer shut down again and we had an accident.

- I'll be right there.

What happened?

- An accident.

- Who was it?

- One of the men from electrical engineering.

He was checking the circuits.

He found something, but... - We blew it.

We blew it.

(mysterious music) - Do you know anything about the brain?

- Nope.

- Your brain has the strongest impulses of any subject we've tested.

- Is that good or bad?

- Either one.

Nature doesn't make moral judgements.

It simply balances the books, I think.

- We're losing it.

The computers are overriding us.

- Emergency, emergency, all sections!

- What about your father?

(alarm rings) (intense music) Damn it, what's happened now?

- We're dead, he quit.

- Computers have total control.

(machines clicking) - Control returning.

CIC's impulses to normal.

It's up to them now.

They have the trouble.

(dramatic piano music) - Why do they have to keep asking all those personal questions?

- To ascertain the truth, sweetheart.

- Well, what's that got to do with pollution and population explosion?

- You haven't been listening properly.

You see, the truth is everything.

The truth will clear the water, vanish the smog, lower the birth rate, break down DDT, and band with the world.

- [Minnie Lee] Dr. Roth didn't say all that.

- Well, I can say all that.

Why did you volunteer?

- I wanted to do something for my country.

- You what?

(Reeves laughs) - I wanted to do something for my country.

- Of course you did.

That's because you had vision.

And where there is no vision, people perish.

(Sapo groans) - Hello, and welcome back.

I couldn't begin to tell you what's going on in this movie.

- Turn it off, boss, I see the light of a thousand- - Okay, okay, I'll turn it off.

You know, come to think of it, El Sapo never told me how to turn this thing off.

- Button, boss, button, boss, button.

(El Sapo speaks unintelligibly) Boss, push the button, push the button.

- Man, Sapo, there are a lot of buttons on here.

I don't know which one to push.

- Number eight, boss, number eight, number eight.

- Alright, number eight.

Fine, I'll push it.

(El Sapo groans) Oh, all right.

- Oh my goodness.

That was something, my gosh almighty.

I'm gonna need some new pants and some new shoes, boss.

- Did you learn a lesson about ordering things out of the back of magazines?

- I did, boss, I certainly did.

- And what did you learn?

- I think I must have cross-wired, I bet I skipped a page in the directions or something.

- No, no, no, you got taken!

You're out a buck!

I mean, Mittens is out a buck, since you borrowed it from him.

And my bowl!

You broke my Gary Gnu bowl.

How could I forget that?

- I guess I didn't think things through tonight, did I?

- No, you did not.

Did you hear what the actor just said?

- I did not.

I was still riding that lightning.

- He said, "Where there is no vision, the people perish."

- Yeah, I guess being blind can be very dangerous.

- That's not what you... You know what?

Nevermind.

- Who was that guy, boss?

- That was an actor named Gerald McRaney.

He's playing a character named Willie West, but this credit should have been "a pretentious nitwit".

- I don't care for that guy, boss.

- Well, you're not a bad judge of character this time.

He's on the oily side.

- What else was he in?

Was he in a bunch of TV shows like that other fella?

- He was.

- I knew I'd had seen him before.

What else was he in?

- He's been in almost 3 million television shows by my count.

He played Barlow Connally on Longmire, he was Rick Simon on Simon & Simon, and he played George Hearst on Deadwood.

- [Sapo] That's what they called me at my old job, Deadwood.

- [Baron] Yeah, but he is most well known for playing the titular character on Major Dad.

- [Sapo] I never heard of that show.

Was it a good show?

- [Baron] No.

- But isn't it neat that two of the guys in the movie went on to bigger and better things?

- No.

- What about the rest of the cast?

Did they ever do anything else?

- Well, the creepy dark haired guy playing one of the doctors kinda did.

- Was he on TV too?

- Well, his name is Gil Peterson, and believe it or not, he was on TV, but only in minor roles.

- Not major roles like- - Yeah, I get it, I get it.

I get the ham-fisted pun on Minor and Major Dad.

And at any rate, the guy was also a musician.

- Man, there is just no end to his talent.

- Hardly.

He put out a jazz album in 1962 called Gil Peterson Sings Our Last Goodbye.

- That sounds great!

- It was not.

- He doesn't look like much of a jazz guy though, does he?

- No, he doesn't.

He looks more like a polka guy.

- Well, tell me more about the Major Dad guy.

- There's nothing really left to tell about that guy except he's married to Delta Burke.

- What's that, Mittens?

Mittens says, "Delta Burke has got it going on."

- Oh, she sure does.

- What does that mean, boss?

- I'll tell you when you're older, Sapo.

For now, let's get back to a film starring a dorky jazz guy and Delta Burke's husband, here on Nightmare Theatre.

- Now, each day in the EBOX will represent five years of time.

Now, you've all been briefed on a number of problems, discomforts and possible dangers involved.

Now, the population explosion is going to be simulated not by increasing the number of people in the box, but by decreasing the space.

The walls will actually move inward toward the service module.

Now, certain pollutants will be added to the area, and noise levels will fluctuate.

Any questions?

Now, we'll be doing many things.

We'll be measuring the tiniest electrical impulses of your brain, and we'll be sending impulses back into the box.

This may look like a very simple device.

However, that's not the case.

Now, Dr. Portland has taken this very simple device and developed for this project an impulse sensor, which conducts to the computer every vital function of your body.

Like blood pressure, heartbeat, and so on.

Have any questions?

- Um, yeah.

When it's hooked up in there, is it ever gonna shock us?

- You shouldn't feel a thing.

- As all of you know in your briefings, this safety device is simple.

In the face of any emergency, anyone can just break the glass.

All there is to it, simple.

But I'd like to underscore in your minds, the consequences can be far reaching.

Not of a major matter.

This experiment would be immediately aborted with a minor matter that you will receive no further money.

How do you feel, Reverend?

- Much better now.

Thank you.

(mysterious music) - [Man] Yes, sir.

- Begin stage one, brain procedure.

Stage one only.

Repeat, stage one only.

- Right, sir.

- Why don't you take a break?

- I could use one.

but let's take a look at our children first.

- Okay.

- Let's take a look at service module camera two.

- Camera two.

Hold on, nothing.

- Camera two, operational and functioning Stage one of operation is complete.

- Look at this one.

- Roger.

Negative.

- Well, that can't be.

Let's see.

Damn it.

Try Carol's station.

- There, hold it now, we've got Carol again.

- Well, at least we're not completely blind.

But shake it down and see if you can find out why the service module cameras won't work.

I'm gonna get some rest.

- Camera three Cameras four and five.

This is CIC Control.

We have control of service module cameras.

Subject one in mode phase three.

Integrate CIC circuit to probe status.

- Roger, tape is rolling.

Probe status CIC circuit, integrate.

(electricity buzzes) - Easy, easy.

Reduce modulation by five.

We have a sensitive subject here.

- Modulation minus five.

Mark.

(electricity buzzes) (Minnie Lee screams) Daddy, Grandaddy?

(mysterious music) - What are you doing up?

- Standing watch.

- I hope I didn't wake you up.

- Yeah, you didn't.

Anything wrong?

- No, I'm alright.

I'm just not sleepy, I guess.

I was thinking... - About me?

- About my granddaddy.

Somebody wrote a song about my granddaddy once.

It was a ballad, and it told a story about this man who was poor.

And he made a lot of money selling furniture.

And he bought this mortuary, and a pair of alligator shoes, and he'd go downtown and he'd meet these people and put 'em down like the banker, and he'd say, "Well, baby, bankers are mighty and high."

- [Man] We have a good probe.

Audio and visual clear.

Monitoring subject one and four.

Imagine that, tape is still rolling.

Stop tape roll.

One minute to zebra.

Standby.

- [Man] Roger, tape roll stopped.

One minute to zebra, standing by.

- Standby, service module camera three.

- Roger, camera three.

(tense music) - We have subject two.

Interlock tapes.

Integrate CIC probe status.

- Five, four, three, two, one.

Mark and integrate.

(electricity buzzes) (explosions booming) (guns firing) (typewriter clacks) - What the hell.

(bell rings) - Yes?

- Portland.

The computer, I don't quite understand it.

It's... Roth's sleeping, and if it isn't too important, I'd rather not wake him.

- Well, go on, what is it?

- Well, the computers kicked out a question here on subject number one, CIC-NSC-25.

It's a question of previous marriage, true or false.

What do you make of it?

- Minnie Lee, our programming, she's number one.

Possibly impulse receiving.

Let's ask her.

- [Morris] Whatever you say.

Should I get Roth?

- No, you can follow it through.

It seems routine to me.

Here she is now.

- Did I do something?

- No, Minnie Lee.

Just routine.

Dr. Morris would like to ask you a question from the computer.

Do you mind?

- I guess not.

- Minnie Lee.

This is Dr. Morris.

Were you ever married?

- No, Dr. Morris.

I told you that before.

I was never married.

(typewriter clacks) I don't know what it is.

I don't know what I said to cause any trouble.

I've never been married.

It was an old...

I told you the truth.

I've never been married, and I don't like you saying I told lies and messed up everything.

When I told my daddy about the baby...

It was too late.

After it was alone...

He didn't know about the baby.

You can annul the baby by killing him.

And that's what I did.

Don't you see?

I killed my baby, and my daddy too!

(typewriter clacks) - Portland?

- [Carol] Yes?

- We got another one.

Judd Reeves.

- Who the hell do you think you are, man?

- Morris!

What is this?

Your version of truth or consequences?

- I assure you, Mr. West, that this is in line with the program.

Dr. Morris is just following questions from the computer.

- What do you mean calling me a liar?

Listen, if you're trying to brainwash me man, you're crazy.

They tried that in the army and they couldn't beat nothing out of me!

- Judd.

- Merriman was killed!

He was killed, you scientific bird brain!

You shove that up your computer, Morris.

Or just come down here and I'll shove it down your throat for you.

No, I didn't kill him.

He killed himself!

- Judd, calm down.

- Now listen, you just stay away from me, you scientific- - Alright, Judd, that's enough.

- Oh, boy.

- Judd.

- Now this is what I've been waiting for.

- You need to calm down.

- Come on, little boy.

Come on.

I'm gonna smash that pretty face of yours.

- Judd.

(dramatic music) (sirens blaring) - Control, emergency, emergency!

All circuits overload.

(sirens blaring) (people screaming) - Morris, zebra lock!

I'm gonna go insane!

(siren blaring) - Shut down CIC circuits one through five.

- Roger, one through five.

CIC circuits closed.

- Roth!

Roth!

- [Roth] What?

What?

- It's outta control!

(siren blares) - My feedback... My feed... (unnerving music) - I am Elizabeth Shepherd, and you are watching Nightmare Theatre.

Lucky you.

(thunder rumbles) (catchy theme music) - Okay, to this day, I'm not sure, but it was Garth Brooks and it was Chris Gaines, and I think they were the same guy but- - There's no way they were the same guy.

- It was not the same guy?

I don't know, I don't know.

- Oh, hello and welcome back.

We're here once again in the... Sub-sub-sub-sub basement of the television studio, with the mysterious Curator from the Merrill Movie Museum, and he's brought us- - Alfred Hitchcock.

- I don't know what this is.

It's very weird looking though, I'm not comfortable with it.

- Well, this is something that I don't believe has ever been seen on television before, although it was intended to be seen on television.

- [Sapo] Oh my.

- If you're familiar with the...

I won't say hilarious, but if you're familiar with the comic strip that exists called Dilbert by Scott Adams- - Oh, yes.

- They made this comic strip, they went on and made an animated series of it.

Well, what's the next logical step they were talking about?

Live action- - Bury it forever, may we never see it again.

- Make a video game.

- Well, that's what happened when they decided they were going to try to make a live action series.

So they were going to make a live action Dilbert series, and they filmed a pilot for the series.

And of course, they had to make a live action version of Dogbert.

And this puppet alone- - Oh, it's a dog.

- It's a fully detailed animatronic Dogbert puppet, and you know, it moves around, it's got its limbs, it's got its feet.

And it's got a- - Now time out, that is not a dog.

That ain't a dog.

- Well, that may well be why they didn't go forward with making a series, because they made a pilot and everybody decided, nope, we're not doing that.

But even when they're making a pilot for something, they've gotta go in.

And if it's a series where they're making detailed creatures, there's a lot of money and effort that goes into it.

So, somebody put a lot of money and effort into making a Dogbert puppet.

- He's got worms, it looks like.

He's all bloated.

- [Man] That nobody ever saw until now here on Nightmare Theatre.

- Wow, that's called an exclusive.

- It is a world exclusive here, I don't know that we should be proud of it.

So, you say this is a puppet.

So how was this operated, exactly?

- Well, I think this one in particular was probably mechanically controlled via remote control.

You can kind of see in here- - Oh, that's horrific.

- Oh my god.

- If you look in the back here, you can kinda see a little bit of the inner workings.

And... - Good lord.

- There's a lot of mechanical, you know, wires and stuff.

You can kinda hear, as I move the head around a little bit, they obviously wouldn't have moved the head around on the show with somebody holding a hand on top of it.

They probably would've had a remote control that operated the head.

- And somebody thought this was a good idea.

- Somebody thought, first of all, that Dilbert was a good idea.

- [Baron] Well, that's not true.

- [Man] And then that a live action Dilbert TV series.

Or I'm unclear, it may have just been a Dogbert TV series.

- Sarah McLachlan would even walk away from this.

- I think so.

Nobody's adopting this mutt.

- I've never seen such a thing as this.

This is... Woof.

I mean, luckily we've seen some great puppeteering in movies.

You know, we've talked about it before down here in the sub-sub-sub-sub basement about, you know, things done by the Jim Henson Creature Factory, and people who are really talented, and then there's this thing that's not really the best.

I mean, this is- - [Sapo] Unsightly.

- Yeah, this is disturbing.

I'm gonna leave the sub-sub-sub basement this weekend.

Oh, sub basement.

I'm gonna leave very, very disturbed.

I'm not sure I'm gonna be able to sleep tonight.

This leaves me cold, I'm not gonna lie.

- Well, and in fairness, this has aged somewhat since it was originally made.

So some of the creep factor is, you know, the discoloration.

- [Baron] Oh, no, the creep factor was built into this one.

- [Man] Oh, yeah, it's creepy nonetheless.

This is some Five Nights at Freddy's territory here.

- Can I borrow this?

I might take this down when Sapo's sleeping and put it in his bed next to him.

- I think that's a great idea.

- I think it would be really fun.

- Oh my god.

- He has always wanted a puppy.

- He does.

You've always wanted a dog.

- Not this one.

His head is like The Exorcist, its on backwards.

- Well, I'm gonna say, Curator, you've brought us zombies and werewolves, and even Jack Nicholson's head, but nothing has been quite as disturbing as this Dilbert, Dogbert puppet.

This will haunt my dreams.

This is nightmare fuel for sure.

Anyway, why don't you folks get back to the movie here on Nightmare Theatre.

- That is not a dog.

(mysterious music) - At least she's still alive.

- Yeah.

Didn't bargain for this.

Man, at least I didn't.

- Let's get him to his bed.

(mysterious music) (dramatic organ music) - Forgive me.

Oh God, forgive me.

- How is the oxygen?

- [Carol] Max.

No trouble there.

- Impulse engine status?

- We have to hold the impulse, we can't take another overload like that.

- Reduction inference are normal.

Computer's normal, everything's functional.

Even the service module cameras are working.

- I don't understand it.

There had to be an overload somewhere.

Morris, shake the computer down and see... Saxon.

You know what?

I'll be right back.

I just had five human beings go through unnecessary help because of some kind of malfunction.

We've checked everything on our end, and there's no results.

Now something is happening and it's not us.

Now, I wanna know, and I wanna know now.

Do you understand?

- There is nothing I can do.

(machine clicks) - Start it again.

- This is CIC Control.

Subject three and mode phase three.

- Let's go for a total brain probe on this subject.

- [Man] Yes, sir.

- I'll be right down.

(mysterious music) (tense music) - Mark T, minus 10.

Keep rolling.

Six, five, four, three, two, one...

Integrate.

(intense music) (Reverend screams) (typewriter clacks) - Here we go again.

- Okay.

Now maybe we'll find out just what's going on.

- What have you done?

No one could know this about me.

I didn't mean to.

- Oh, not Brother Neill!

(Minnie Lee sobs) - You can't do this to me.

Only God shall know my sins.

You are not God.

I do not have to suffer this blasphemy.

A man has a right to hide his innermost thoughts from mere mortal men.

God is my witness.

My sins... Are between God and me.

I don't have to put up with this.

I want out.

You hear?

God in heaven.

I want out!

- [Man] No, no!

(glass breaks) (locks clicking) - You fool!

You dirty fool!

- Saxon, you're killing these people.

You're going to kill them unless you open those doors.

Don't you understand?

I've lost all control.

The damn machine has gone berserk.

- The information you want is classified, and you're not cleared for national security control secrets.

- So you listen to me, and you listen well.

I'm not going to have a death of five people on my hands.

- And we're back.

I'm not sure what's going on in this movie.

- Neither am I, boss.

What is it, boy?

What is it?

What is it?

He says this film is some type of social commentary, and each character represents some type of... What is it?

What is it?

Arch?

Archie?

Arc- - Archetype, maybe?

- Yeah, thanks.

The preacher, the veteran, the woman, and the- - The windbag.

- Yeah, the windbag all represent or stand for... What is it?

What is it?

Larger social constructs.

Loss of faith.

Oh, oh, I get it.

Each character is struggling to regain something they have lost.

Innocence, faith, patriotism, courage, I don't know.

He says the film is better than we think it is, or something like that.

I'm not sure I'm following him completely.

My head is still reeling from that machine I hooked myself up to.

- Wow, he really said all that?

- That's how I read it.

- Very insightful, Mittens.

I'm not sure I agree, but I'm impressed with your efforts.

I wish others in this room would follow your shining example.

- Wait, wait, oh, I get what he's saying.

No, I was wrong.

He just wants someone to scratch his back.

- Of course.

Folks, for a moment, it looked like there was something good in this movie, but there's not.

We're almost done, I hope.

There can't be much left.

Let's get back to the not at all insightful Brain Machine here on Nightmare Theatre.

- Subject has activated fail safe.

Computers have total control.

- Fail safe?

It's gotta work.

Dr. Portland and I designed it.

- Negative readout, fail safe not responding.

- [Willie] We can't stop it, we can't!

We've gotta stop it!

- Damn it.

They're not even gonna pay us.

- Judd!

- Okay, Portland.

Now you get those fingers of yours punching on those buttons and get me outta here.

- It's all right, Judd, it's all right.

They'll get us out.

- Not with my crummy luck, they won't.

I'm gonna die, and I know it!

- Take it easy.

- What the hell did you say?

I know I'm gonna die, and so are you!

- Judd!

Man, we're not gonna die.

Not if we don't want to, it's that simple!

- So is dying!

- Terrible impulse converted.

- It actually converts brain impulses into exact pictures of thought.

Audio and visual.

- Mortality.

You stupid fools.

No man, no human ever believes they're going to die.

That's a question of faith.

That's the paradox of mankind.

No one really believes they'll ever die.

Don't you understand?

Faith, human faith to a computer doesn't compute.

- Yes.

We understand that now.

We made a mistake.

(footsteps tapping) (Carol screams) - Oh, no.

Let's get her down.

We've got to get her down.

- It's Minnie Lee.

She just hanged herself.

(unnerving music) - Roth!

Look!

Look at what you've done!

You've answered one more question for science.

Has it been worth it?

Did you learn something?

Look at your truth.

- Garrison here.

- Seal off the E wing.

Isolate Roth and Saxon in the computer lab.

I'm coming over.

(door slams) - What?

- I am sorry, sir, but you've been confined to the computer room until further notice.

- Those people are dying down there.

- But we have our orders.

- Orders?

You're out of order!

- Very sorry, sir.

Could you go back into the room?

Now?

(tense music) (door slams) - The Lord is my shepherd.

I shall not want.

- Jesus, cut that babbling!

- You maketh me lie down in green pastures.

- Stop it!

Stop it, Merriman!

- [Reverend] Leadeth be beside the still water.

- Roland.

Roland.

Don't answer me.

- [Judd] Shut up, Merriman!

- Judd.

He's losing it.

He thinks Reverend Neill is Lieutenant Merriman.

- That's what you've been telling us, huh, Lieutenant?

(guns firing) We're all killing machines!

- My cup runeth over.

Show me goodness in mercy, she'll follow me.

- We're also all dying machines!

You're gonna die first!

Die, you (blank), die!

- Judd, for God's sake!

- Get away from me!

Get away!

- Judd!

(guns firing) - Gentlemen!

- Reverend?

No!

- Roth.

- Saxon, I'm gonna kill you!

- You listen to me, Roth.

And you listen good!

(Carol screams) - [Willie] Portland!

- No!

If we could break in that service module, we could get them out of there.

- Willie.

Willie!

The service module.

You've got to get inside.

You've got to break into the service module.

(object clangs) (loud clanging) (siren blares) Let's get to the hatch.

He broke that down, let's go.

- I'm sorry, sir.

But we have orders not to let anyone out of this room.

- I'm overriding those orders.

- But you don't have that authority.

- What do you mean?

I'm the head of this project.

I order you to let us pass.

(tense music) - My order don't come from you... (gun cocks) Or this project.

(intense music) - Now don't move.

Hold it, hold it!

Don't let anybody move.

(siren blares) - Let's go!

(tense music) (siren blares) - You'll have to kill be before I'll die.

(circuits sparking) (tense music) She's down here.

(tense music) - The walls!

The walls, they're coming in!

(intense music) (explosion booms) - Oh my god.

(typewriter clacks) What are we going to do about this, sir?

This won't be easy to cover up.

(gun fires) - Winds reached a velocity of 80 miles per hour.

The damage was estimated to be more than $1 million.

And this just in, the National Environmental Control Center reports that Dr. Roland Roth, world famous authority on the human brain, was electrocuted along with six others when a patient broke from an experimental therapy area, ripped through a protective panel, and exposed himself and the other victims to 500,000 bolts of electricity.

Along with Dr. Roth, the dead include his two assistants, Dr. Carol Portland, Dr. Elton Morris, three other patients, and Willard West, a patient who apparently went berserk during a routine experiment, shouting, "I can't die, I am immortal, I am God."

This is Cornell Wood.

That's tonight's late news.

Goodnight.

(Star Spangled Banner music plays) - That was a good news release, General.

Very effective.

How did you handle Saxon?

- He was transferred.

- The machine works, that's the important thing.

And this is only the beginning, But I suggest you get it out of there within the next 24 hours.

- [General] It'll be out.

- [Senator] Now you understand, no matter what happens, I don't know about anything.

(tense music) (unnerving music) - Yes!

I have never been happier to see a movie end.

- This one was not as good as I thought it was gonna be, boss.

- It is exactly what I knew it would be, and I didn't have to plug my brain into a machine to realize that.

- You know, I tell you boss, I bet machines wish they could hook themselves up to your brain.

- Maybe so, Sapo, maybe so.

What do we have on tap for next week?

- We have this, boss!

- [Narrator] From the world of the Sun come the Cremators to ignite all mankind.

See the Earth threatened by enemy aliens whose embrace means instant cremation.

- What was that?

- [Narrator] Creatures who look upon our civilization as though we were insects to be stepped on.

- I involved her in this, and I involved you in this, and I don't know how far I can go.

I don't know how to protect anyone.

- [Narrator] See the Cremators running wild, rolling over the land to leave ashen wasteland behind them.

(woman yells) - Bring her to me.

- [Narrator] Man pursued by rolling, spitting mountains of searing, incinerating flame.

An adventure into the realms of terror and nightmare unrivaled on the screen.

See The Cremators.

- That looks amazing.

- It's not.

Sapo?

- I'm right here, boss.

- Can you plug in that brain machine thing you made?

- Oh, sure.

But I gotta warn you, it's gonna hurt.

- Oh, oh, I know.

- You're gonna take a ride.

- Nope, you are.

Mittens, get him strapped into that machine.

Maybe a week or two on that thing will do him some good.

So until next time, may all your dreams be nightmares.

(thunder rumbles) (catchy theme music)